Assignment: Personal Growth Paper

Self-Authorship

What have you learned about yourself?

· What new information or perspective have you gained about who you are through this course?

· We have explored:

· Awareness

· Personality

· Childhood

· Relationships

· Work

· Stress

· Gender

· Loss

· Mental Health

Getting Out of Yourself

· We discussed how our beliefs shape our narratives

· The stories we tell about ourselves

· Each of you challenged a limitation that you set for yourself

· Through these challenges we learn what we are truly capable of

· We develop the ability to edit our stories

· This means if I find that I have a belief or limitation that doesn’t serve me, I can challenge it and create a new belief about myself

· What happens when we have limitations that go un-challenged?

Beliefs

· Take a moment to think of three things you believe about yourself

· Where do these beliefs come from? Assignment: Personal Growth Paper

· Did you learn them from someone else or did you develop them yourselves?

· Have you ever challenged or revised these beliefs?

· If we update our resume, why don’t we update our beliefs about ourselves?

· Are you holding on to outdated beliefs about yourself?

· What new beliefs have you developed about yourself throughout this semester?

· I believe I have a lot of valuable information to share with my students

Writing Your Life

· College is a transitional period where beliefs, resiliency, and adaptation are challenged

· Emerging adulthood (Arnett, 2006)

· Identity exploration and opportunities for life transformation

· College is actually much more than just determining a major

· According to Parks (2000) college age adults shift meaning making toward “(1) becoming critically aware of one’s own composing of reality, (2) self-consciously participating in an ongoing dialogue toward truth, and (3) cultivating a capacity to respond—to act—in ways that are satisfying and just”

· Self-authorship is about becoming an active participant in the writing process of your life

· This also means, the time to blame your parents (or anyone else) for the content of your story has passed

Self-Authorship

· Self-authorship is the internal capacity to construct one’s own beliefs, identity, and relationships

· Critical to navigating adult life and all of its unique challenges

· The skills you learned in this class will serve to support you becoming an active author in your life

· Three main components:

· Trusting your internal voice

· Building an internal foundation

· Securing internal commitments

Self-Authorship Paper

· 3-4 page paper; typed, double spaced, times new roman, font size 12 with 1 inch margins surrounding each page and follow APA style

· You should have a minimum of 3 references that are cited throughout the paper, and included in an APA style reference list at the end of the paper

For information about APA style

Journey towards Self-Authorship

Pair up and discuss

Which phase are you in?

How do you know?

What’s keeping you in that stage?

What’s supporting you moving forward?

What’s restricting you from moving forward?

Is it a linear process?

Hint: Take notes during this discussion and use this in your paper

APA Style

· No Abstract needed

· Title page

· Running Head

· Page Numbers

· In text Citations

· Reference page

· References must be scholarly (the PowerPoint from class is not a reference, however, the research noted in the lecture is a scholarly reference)

· Use the University library research page to find scholarly references

Love and Relationships

Love vs. Like

· Love is: A constellation of behaviors, cognitions, and emotions associated with desire to enter or maintain a close relationship with a specific other person. Assignment: Personal Growth Paper

· Love is different from liking

· Rubin’s loving vs liking scale

· Romantic love is made up of

· Attachment

· Caring

· Intimacy

· http://psychcentral.com/lib/rubins-love-scale-and-rubins-liking-scale/

· Falling in friendship is very different from falling in love

· When we talk about it:

· Love narrative has greater emphasis on attraction

· Friendship narratives more focused on familiarity

Different Types of Love

· A lot of work has been about the different types of love

· Romantic love

· Compassionate love

· Passionate love

· Familial love

· Falling in Love Definition

· Onset of a strong desire for close, romantic relationship with a particular person

· Seems to be about the transition into passionate love, or from not being in love to being in love

Is Falling in Love a Good Thing? Assignment: Personal Growth Paper

· When reciprocated, leads to:

· Enhancement of self-concept

· Increased identity domain

· Greater sense of self-efficacy

· Greater self-esteem

· ALSO, effect on social network might be negative

· Can be a problem if you are already in a committed relationship

· When NOT reciprocated:

· Painful

· Can impact self-esteem, self-concept

Lee’s 3 Primary Color styles of Love

· Ludus (game-playing)

· Fun based

· Playing games

· Seeking attention

· Playful

· Storge

· Grows out of friendship

· Based in commitment

· Eros

· Passionate

· Physical

· Satisfying

Sexually driven

 

Secondary Styles of Love

· Like primary colors, primary love styles can be combined to form secondary colors or styles of love

· Pragma

· Pragmatic

· Sense of Service

· Frank and Clare Underwood

· Mania

· Possessive

· Need based

· Fatal Attraction

· Agape

· Self-sacrificing

· Altruistic

· Forest Gump

Vulnerability: The Key to Connection

 

Sternberg’s Triangle of Love

· Sternberg believed that there are 3 components of love:

Components of Triangle

· Commitment

· Intimacy

· Passion

Properties of Triangle

· According to Sternberg, the 3 love components differ with respect to a number of properties, including:

· Stability

· Conscious controllability

· Experiential salience

· For example, the elements of intimacy and decision/commitment are usually quite stable in close relationships (once they occur and become characteristic of a relationship, they tend to endure), whereas passion tends to be less stable and predictable. Assignment: Personal Growth Paper

· Sex therapy

 

Types of Love Relationships

1. Non-love

2. Liking (intimacy alone)

3. Infatuation (passion alone)

4. Empty Love (decision/commitment alone)

5. Romantic love (intimacy and passion)

6. Companionate Love (intimacy and decision/commitment)

7. Fatuous Love (passion & decision/commitment)

8. Consummate Love (intimacy & passion & decision/commitment)

 

Relationships and MFTs

· According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT)

· A family’s patterns of behavior influences the individual and therefore may need to be a part of the treatment plan. In marriage and family therapy, the unit of treatment isn’t just the person – even if only a single person is interviewed – it is the set of relationships in which the person is imbedded

· Retrieved from: https://www.aamft.org/imis15/AAMFT/Content/About_AAMFT/Qualifications.aspx?hkey=2d5f6fac-24c6-40fd-b74f-5f3eaf214e55

· All behavior makes sense given the context (Relationships are part of the context)

· There is value in understanding a person and the way they exist within relationships

· What do your relationships say about you?

 

Knapp Relationship Development Model

· Proposes that relationship development is a 10 step process broken down into two phases

· Coming Together Phase

· Coming Apart Phase

 

Coming Together Phase

· Initiation

· First impressions

· Experimentation

· Individuals begin to share their story and learn about each other

· Exploring the relationship, experimenting with activities and questions to determine if they like each other

· Intensifying

· Continued exploration that increases the connection

· Conversations become deeper

· History gains more rich details

Passion is developed

 

Coming Together Phase Cont

· Integrating

· Partners begin integrating personal, individual parts into the couple parts

· Introducing friends and family. Assignment: Personal Growth Paper

· Developing the “we”

· Couple identity is formed

· Bonding

· Marriage

· Commitment

· Couple is bonded together (successfully or unsuccessfully

 

The Coming Apart Phase

· Differentiating

· Differences between partners become more salient

· “Were you always this stubborn?”

· Conflict resolution and problem solving is negatively impacted; instead of working as a team to solve problems, focus becomes more individualistic

· Circumscribing

· Individualistic routines are increased

· Personal time, personal space increased

· She works on the backyard alone

· The garage is his space

· Stagnating

· Stuck in a rut

· Things that used to bring excitement now seem mundane and routine

· Avoiding

· Literal avoidance

· Mental, Emotional, Physical separation between the individuals

· Detachment, lack of attunement

· Needs are left unnoticed, unmet, uncared for

· Terminating

· A decision is made to end the connection

· Staying in the relationship no longer produces happiness, fulfillment

· Relationship outcomes and goals do not match

· The relationship is terminated

Why does this matter to you?

· If you want to become an MFT, obvi it matters

· Understanding the developmental process of relationships helps us to understand how we exist within them

· MFTs look for patterns – do you recognize patterns in your life?

· If so, what would you learn from those patterns about your life?

· Would you make any adjustments? Assignment: Personal Growth Paper

· We have talked about developing the self concept, now we are developing an understanding of ourselves within the context of our relationships

· Part of healthy development is learning to cultivate meaningful personal relationships; and learning to eliminate toxic relationships

Gender and sexuality

What’s the difference?

· Sex refers to a person’s biological status and is typically categorized as male, female, or intersex (i.e., atypical combinations of features that usually distinguish male from female). There are a number of indicators of biological sex, including sex chromosomes, gonads, internal reproductive organs, and external genitalia.

· Gender refers to the attitudes, feelings, and behaviors that a given culture associates with a person’s biological sex. Behavior that is compatible with cultural expectations is referred to as gender-normative; behaviors that are viewed as incompatible with these expectations constitute gender non-conformity.

· Sexual orientation refers to the sex of those to whom one is sexually and romantically attracted. Categories of sexual orientation typically have included attraction to members of one’s own sex (gay men or lesbians), attraction to members of the other sex (heterosexuals), and attraction to members of both sexes (bisexuals). While these categories continue to be widely used, research has suggested that sexual orientation does not always appear in such definable categories and instead occurs on a continuum (e.g., Kinsey, Pomeroy, Martin, & Gebhard, 1953; Klein, 1993; Klein, Sepekoff, & Wolff, 1985; Shiveley & DeCecco, 1977) In addition, some research indicates that sexual orientation is fluid for some people; this may be especially true for women (e.g., Diamond, 2007; Golden, 1987; Peplau & Garnets, 2000).

· Excerpt from: The Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Clients, adopted by the APA Council of Representatives, February 18-20, 2011. The Guidelines are available on the APA website at http://www.apa.org/pi/lgbt/resources/guidelines.aspx

 

Sexual Identity

· Sexual identity is: a complex set of personal qualities, self perceptions, attitudes, values, and preferences that guide one’s sexual behavior

· HOW IT IS DEVELOPED

· Physiological Influences

· Biological Development

· Hormones produced in the body

· Puberty through sexual development

· Psychological Influences

· Messages we receive about sex and sexuality

· What is appropriate, what is not

· What is normal, what is abnormal

· Communication around sexuality

· Open/Closed

 

Sexual Identity Development

· Psychological Influences. Assignment: Personal Growth Paper

· What do we think about sex and sexuxality?

· Family

· Peers

· School

· Religion

· Media

· Pop Culture

· Gender Differences

· Do we give different messages about sexual identity based on gender?

· Societal norms

· Peers

· Media messages

 

Sexual Socialization

· Sexual Education in school

· Think about your experience

· Were you adequately educated about your body, sex, sexuality

· Were you able to have questions answered?

· Was it ok to talk about development with your friends?

· Messages and norms regarding what is appropriate

· Differences among gender socialization

· We’ve all seen the “Real men do ABC” or “Real women are XYZ”

· What impact does this have on us and our beliefs?

· Attitudes about gender

· Do you have beliefs about gender? What are they? Where did you learn them?

Sexual Orientation

· Sexual orientation has historically been seen as two separate and distinct categories

· Either heterosexual or homosexual

· More recently these concepts are starting to be seen as existing on a continuum

· Kinsey and other sex researchers developed sexual orientation on a 6 point scale

· Is this too complex or not complex enough? Assignment: Personal Growth Paper

Social Attitudes and Perceptions of Sexuality

· Mental health community previously viewed homosexuality as a disorder

· Research has since found no distinguishable difference in general psychological processes or psychological health between heterosexual and homosexual individuals

· Homophobia/Sexual Prejudice

· More visibility for the LGB community has lead to increasing acceptance and more positive attitudes

· How does visibility impact our perceptions?

· Portrayal of this population in the media

· How do you think culture impacts ones perceptions of sexual orientation?

· Acceptance of homosexuality is based on cultural norms, family, beliefs, and values

· Attitudes about sexuality are also based in education

Making sex normal TED talk

 

Making sex normal

· “If we make sex normal and help people to be more comfortable talking about it then people will more easily report sexual assaults and rapes, they’ll more easily talk about STIs and STI testing, they’ll more easily talk about love and intimacy and connection with their partner.“

· This class is one instance where we are collaborating to create a more open dialogue about sex and sexuality

· How do we expand our contribution to this goal from just this class?

· ie; what can you do to help make sex normal?

Developing AWARENESS

What is awareness?

· Awareness is the ability to recognize and describe emotion in oneself and others

· Knowledge or perception of a situation or fact

· The state or quality of being conscious of something

Discussion

· Journal 1 – Awareness

· Share your experience

· Hard? Easy?

· Why do we need awareness?

· How does awareness help personal growth?

Awareness from Freud’s view

Awareness from Stevens’ view

· Awareness of the outside world

· Actual sensory contact with objects and events in the present (I feel the pen in my hand, I hear the lawnmower outside)

· Awareness of the inside world

· Actual sensory contact with inner events of the present (My skin itches, my stomach feels nervous)

· Awareness of fantasy activity

· Mental activity beyond present awareness of ongoing experience (Daydreaming during class

 

 

Five Levels of Awareness

· Awareness of bodily sensations.

· TASK: express awareness.

· Awareness of the body in action.

· TASK: Awareness of body impulses and action tendencies associated with emotions.

· Awareness of individual feelings

· TASK: Express awareness of personal feelings

· Awareness of blends of feelings

· TASK: Form complex emotional responses to individuals.

· Awareness of blends of blends of feelings

· TASK: differentiate between integrate, and respond appropriately to complex emotional experiences of self and others

Awareness skills

· Focusing

· Generalizing

· Selection

· Avoiding

· Duration and Flow

· Connection and interruption

· Pleasant-unpleasant

· Shuttling

· Intending

· Process

· Physical activities

· Releasing your body

· Contact-withdrawal

· Daily Task

Why is Awareness Important?

· In the moment

· Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of what is happening in the present moment without judgment

· Focusing on the present moment helps decrease anxiety and depression. Assignment: Personal Growth Paper

· Of the self

· Having an accurate picture of who you are;

· Personality, strengths, and weaknesses

· Of yourself in relation to others

· Understanding what role you play in your relationship with others

Stress and Social Development

Biopsychosocial Model of Illness

· Holds that physical illness is caused by a complex interaction of biological, psychological, and sociocultural factors

· Biological factors operate in a psychosocial context that can also be highly influential

· Health Psychology is concerned with how psychosocial factors relate to the promotion and maintenance of health and with the causation, prevention, and treatment of illness

Stress, Personality, and Illness

· How does personality impact wellness?

· Strong link found between anger and hostility and coronary disease

· If you walk around angry all the time you’re going to have a bad time

· Many findings to link (correlational) stress and illness in the body

· Stress undermines the body’s immune functioning

· Why Zebra’s Don’t Get Ulcers, Robert Sapolsky

· https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ePYet3Fbts

Stress and Relationships

· Chronic stress has the potential to negatively impact social, familial, and romantic connections

· Individuals who struggle to effectively manage stress are prone to emotional outbursts

· Can contribute to higher frequency or intensity in interpersonal conflicts

· Who we blame when we are stressed

· Do you blame yourself and as a result experience decreased self esteem

· Do you blame others and as a result experience decreased relationship satisfaction

Stress and Social Development

· Stress and social functioning impact each other in a circular way

· Stress impacts relationships/relationships impact stress

· Can be positive or negative

· Low self-esteem causes increased stress in social interactions

· Stressful social interactions may decrease individual’s desire to create meaningful relationships

· Unmanaged stress can turn into chronic anxiety

· Social anxiety, social phobia, generalized anxiety

What is wellness?

· Well being is defined as being both healthy and happy

· How do we achieve this?

· What is the difference?

Is there a relationship between the two? Assignment: Personal Growth Paper

 

 

 

Six Dimensions of Wellness

· Physical

· How well does your body work?

· Exercise, nutrition, rest, sleep, stress management, self care

· Intellectual

· Learning new things, expanding your knowledge base as well as your brain

· Mental Illness – breakdown in the way your brain processes information

· Emotional

· Positive and realistic self concept

· Emotional Intelligence

· Resiliency

· Social

· How we connect and interact with people

· How meaningful are these connections?

· Career

· Job satisfaction, career ambitions, work performance

· Spiritual

Having a sense of inner peace and contentment

 

How do we improve these dimensions?

· One step at a time

· https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3JPa2mvSQ4

· Cultivate and maintain meaningful relationships (Social)

· Identify and express your emotions (Emotional)

· Proper sleep hygiene, regular activity, frequent self care, diet (Physical)

· https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9IZDInBv1M

· Continually seeking opportunities to learn, brain games, DOING YOUR HOMEWORK (Intellectual)

· Meditation, yoga, self reflection, focusing on obtaining inner peace (Spiritual)

· Set goals, plan for the future, acknowledge your accomplishments along the way (Career)

· Stay committed to your changes

· https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MVJOI8RbnQ

 

Managing Stress as a Path to Wellness

· Mindfulness

· Defined as an intentional, nonjudgmental awareness and observation of our experiences in the present moment without seeking to change them immediately (much is taken from the Buddhist philosophies)

· Mindfulness increases our ability to develop Meta Awareness

· An awareness of what we are experiencing right now

· Am I physically and mentally present?

· Worrying about things means you are not mentally present

· Mindfulness is an important component of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

· Often used in treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar, or other mood disorders

· Helps to increase emotional regulation

· Develop coping skills to successfully manage triggers and reactive states

· Allows for stronger therapeutic presence and emotional awareness in session

· Challenges to just mindfully be with the problem/issue instead of always seek to change it immediately

· Promotes openness, humanity and acceptance of clients

· Effective self-care technique

· Increase ability to shift attention, rather than letting emotions determine the focus

· Create a non-judgmental and objective perspective of emotions, thoughts and sensations

· Develop ability to live in the moment and not in the past or future-focus on here and now experiences. Assignment: Personal Growth Paper

 

Mindfulness Resource

· www.calm.com

· Can also be downloaded as a free app on your smart phone

· Provides guided meditations, body scan activity, mindfulness skill building, and many more resources

· Useful to learn about the practice of mindfulness and to build up skills

· Practicing mindfulness daily has positive benefits

 

Baby Steps: Applying what you’ve learned

· ASK YOURSELF:

· What are you going to do this weekend to try and improve one of your own personal wellness dimensions?

· Identify a goal

· Commit yourself to a plan of action

· Tell a friend or invite someone to join you to create accountability

What is personal growth?

· Take a moment to ask yourself why you are taking this class (aside from fulfilling degree requirements)

· What intrigues you about the idea of personal growth?

· Feeling a need for improvement?

· Wanting to be your best self?

· Suggestion of others?

· Not feeling content with the way you are?

· Human beings are often seeking to improve their current situation (through improvement of self, circumstances, activities, etc.)

Why?

What are we searching for?

· Direction? Happiness? Fulfillment? and?

· What do these things mean and why are they important?

· Direction

· Where am I going in life?

· Why am I on this path?

· Is your direction purposeful? (chosen by you)

· Is your direction passive? (a path you have been put on by someone else or by certain circumstances)

· Happiness

· What does it mean to be happy?

· How do we achieve happiness?

· Ask yourself, what makes me genuinely happy?

· Do you create happiness or does it happen to you?

· Fulfillment

· What does it take to be fulfilled?

· How do you know when you’ve achieved it?

· A feeling

· A combination of a sense of purpose and resulting happiness

· What else? Why are we here?

What are we searching for?

· Why are people susceptible to cults?

· Why are we willing to go to such extreme lengths to find what we are looking for?

· Sweat lodge example from text

· People will put their own health at risk in order to find purpose and belonging

· We are hard wired for connection

· We seek to belong

· It hurts to be disconnected, to feel alone or left out

· The pain of disconnection often outweighs perceived risks

· We seek out things that we think will give us purpose

· What gives you purpose?

What are we searching for?

· Have you ever read a self-help book?

· Why?

· We often think we need to improve ourselves

· This isn’t always bad, sometimes it helps to try to improve yourself

· We are comforted by knowing that others have struggled in similar ways

· Did it help? Why or why not?

· Research has found that self-help books are often not based in scientific research

· Self-help books are often vague in their prescription for change

· What are the keys to happiness?

· Are you happy with your life?

Difference Between Growth and Development???

· Take some time to think about the following:

· What do you think of when you hear these words?

· What is growth?

· What is development?

Are they the same? How do they differ?

Barriers to personal growth

· Now that we have started to define personal growth and what motivates the journey towards it:

· What gets in the way of personal growth?

· “If the consumption of these literary narcotics (self help books) were even remotely as helpful as their publishers claim, we would be a nation of serene, happy, well-adjusted people. It is clear, however, that serenity is not the dominant national mood.”

· Anxiety and depression are on the rise – but why?

· What gets in the way of your attempts to change?

Why don’t we change?

· Think: When was the last time you tried to make a change and failed?

· Write: What prevented you from making that change?

· Think: When was the last time you tried to make a change and succeeded?

· Write: What helped you make that change?

How do we change?

· There are three critical components to change

· Must be ready

· Is this the right time to make a change?

· Are you prepared to make a change?

· Must be willing

· Do you want to change?

· Are you being forced into change?

· Must be able

· Is this a change you can reasonable expect to be able to make?

· Are there limitations in your life that prevent you from being able to make this change?

What do you need to grow?

· Clear definition of the problem

· Investigations of attempted solutions

· Definition of concrete change to be achieved

· Formulation and implementation of plan

How do you achieve this?

· Exploration of the disadvantages of status quo

· Why will keeping things the same not work?

· Exploration of the advantages of status quo

· What is gained by keeping things the same

· Generating an optimism for change and growth

· Displaying an intention to grow and change

What Is Personality

· According to the text

· Personality is, “an individual’s unique constellation of consistent behavioral traits”(Weiten, Hammer, and Dunn, 2014)

· “Personality includes characteristic patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior, together with the psychological mechanisms-hidden or not-behind those patterns.” (Funder, 2007)

· Psychologists who research personality take different approaches to their research:

· Basic approach

· Observes patterns

· Trait approach

· Focuses on traits

· Biological approach

· Looks at anatomy, physiology, genetics, evolution

· Psychoanalytic approach

· Assessing unconscious, subconscious

· Phenomenological approach

Listen to people’s conscious experience of the world

Personality Traits

· A personality trait is, “a durable disposition to behave in a particular way in a variety of situations.”

· How do you most commonly behave across different situations?

· Shy

· Honest

· Moody

· Friendly

· THINK: Describe your personality. What kind of traits come to mind? How would someone else describe your personality?

· What do you notice about other people’s personalities?

Five-Factor Theory of Personality

· One of the most prominent theories of personality

· Also referred to as the “Five Factor Model” or FFM (Costa & McCrae, 1992), and as the Global Factors of personality (Russell & Karol, 1994)

· This theory states that almost all personality traits derive from the Big Five Personality Traits

· Extroversion, Neuroticism, Openness to experience, Agreeableness, and Conscientiousness

Five Factors

· Openness

· Curiosity, flexibility, vivid imagination, impulsive

· Conscientiousness

· Diligent, disciplined, well organized, dependable

· Extraversion

· Outgoing, sociable, upbeat, friendly, assertive

· Agreeableness

· Sympathetic, trusting, cooperative, modest

· Neuroticism

· Anxious, hostile, self-conscious, insecure, vulnerable

All five factors show an influence from both heredity and environment.

 

Freudian Psychoanalytic Theory of Personality

· According to Freud: personality is divided into three main components:

· Id

· Primitive, instinctive component of personality that operates according to the pleasure principle

· Ego

· The decision making component of personality that operates according to the reality principle

· Superego

· Moral component of personality that incorporates social standards about what represents right and wrong

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

· Introspective, self report inventory

· Assesses how people perceive the world and make decisions

· Based on Carl Jung’s theory of psychological types, uses 4 scales

· Extroversion/Introversion

· Sensing/Intuitive

· Thinking/Feeling

· Judging/Perceiving

· Results come in a Four letter combination

· ENFP

· An example of an MBTI type assessment can be found here

https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

 

Why does personality matter?

· We use what we know about a person’s personality to predict their behavior

· We use what we know about our own personality to develop coping skills and adaptability, preferences, and self-concepts

· Assessment of personality helps us determine who we want to spend our time with

· Personality traits impact several different life outcomes (stress, happiness, health, longevity, etc.)

· Assessing your own personality and comparing to who you want to be is an important part of personal growth

· THINK: What traits would I change about myself? What traits do I have that I would change?

Keep this in mind for your first journal